WTF Is Happening to Me?

The midlife plot twist I didn’t see coming… but somehow makes total sense.

I’m not here to pretend I have it all figured out — I’m just here writing through it.

Because this season of life? It’s weird. It’s emotional. It’s overwhelming and beautiful and heartbreaking and freeing — all at the same time. The kids are growing up and starting their own lives — and somehow I wasn’t prepared for how hard that would hit. Your body’s changing in ways nobody warned you about, and suddenly you’re staring at your reflection wondering, Who even am I now… and why do my knees sound like bubble wrap?

I’ve been praying hard lately. Praying for direction, for clarity, for something to help me figure out what’s next. Because as much as I’m excited for this new chapter… I’ve also been grieving. Grieving the version of me who existed only for others. Grieving the rhythm of motherhood as I’ve known it — even though I’ll always be their mom. Grieving the woman I used to be — and trying to figure out who I’m becoming.

And then, during one of my many emotional, overthinking shower sessions (because let’s be honest, that’s where the breakdowns AND breakthroughs happen), I kept hearing the same thing:

Start a blog.

Not once.

Not twice.

Not three times.

Every. Single. Time. I stepped into that shower… that nudge came back. Loud. Clear. Relentless.

Which honestly made no sense — because blogging had never crossed my mind. That freaked me out even more.

Where do I even start?

How do I do this?

Who’s gonna want to hear from me?

Who even am I?

What makes me different than the million other women already doing this online?

But I’ve learned something in this season: when God puts something on your heart over and over again — especially in the middle of your mess — you listen. You don’t have to understand it. You just have to trust Him with it.

So here I am.

Writing the blog I didn’t even know I needed.

Saying the things I wish someone had said to me.

Trying to help at least one woman feel a little less invisible in the middle of all of this.

This space is for the woman who’s:

• not sure what her purpose is now that the kids are grown (or almost grown).

• crying one minute and cracking sarcastic jokes the next.

• stuck between hormone rage and praising Jesus.

• trying to remember who the hell she is.

• and wondering if she’s too late to start something new (spoiler: you’re not.)

This isn’t a blog about fixing yourself.

It’s a blog about finding yourself — right in the middle of the chaos.

Yes, I’ll talk about hormones (because… hello).

And marriage (because we survived parenting together and now it’s just us).

And becoming a grandma (she’s not even here yet and somehow already running the show).

But mostly I’ll talk about the stuff nobody warned us about in this weird middle part of life —

Where everything feels like an ending…

But maybe it’s actually the beginning.

And listen, I know it’s not always easy to be excited for this next chapter.

I’ve been there. I am there.

There’s grief in the letting go.

But there’s also so much beauty in what’s ahead.

My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices when our kids were little.

We were broke but determined.

Vacations? Nope.

Our “getaways” were gas station snacks and Gatorade bottles at sports tournaments.

We lived for our kids — and we wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But now?

We’re definitely more financially stable than we were.

And we finally have time.

Time for the dates.

Time for the road trips.

Time for us — the us we put on hold for so long.

This is our time.

My time.

So if you’re in this too — if you’re smack in the middle of the weird, messy, beautiful transition that is midlife — I hope you’ll stick around.

Let’s do this chapter together.

xoxo,

Carrie